You Can't Grow By Worrying

We all have it in us to fall into depression.  At times the state of mankind seems utterly hopeless.  At times our own lives seem utterly hopeless.  In fact, if we were to dwell on eithr of those things our existence would become utterly meaningless and would, indeed, be hopeless.  So if you don’t think about the hopelessness but just the ability you have to focus on the positive you will grant yourself great purpose and great power.

            One of the many things that can cause me to go down the vortex of depression is my fears for my children, but especially my youngest son who has Leigh’s Syndrome, a particularly scary type of mitochondrial disease.  Mitochondrial disease can be, and often is, an inherited genetic disease and in the case of Leigh’s Syndrome it always is.  I won’t explain it anymore than that because my purpose here is to avoid that sense of hopelessness and to help you do the same.  We have no control over our genetic make-up so why focus on it to feel powerless?

            My fears for my son can be very real, very overwhelming and send me spiraling into that never ending vortex of despair.  Who will take care of him when we die?  We’re already in our mid 50’s.  What if he falls when we’re away from him?  What if someone takes advantage of his disability or just doesn’t recognize it?  What if?  Funny how all those stupid fears can be applied to myself as well.  I just sprained my ankle out in the woods while picking huckleberries. Do I paralyze myself with fear about being alone in the wilderness?  No! So why should I do that for my sons?  I should not.  I do, however, use those fears to spur me on to teach him independent living skills which are infinitely more difficult for him than they are me and I don’t detect him having great fears for his own life. Yes, he has some, but not nearly what I have.

            So I went out huckleberry picking again during the Great American Eclipse. I didn’t get many berries because I was with my son and neighbors and we mostly watched the eclipse. What amazing order there is in this universe. I have no control over it and everything works just fine. It was a gentle reminder, with my youngest son right there with me, that I need to pay more attention to the big picture and how small I am in it. Things might not go how I plan, but they go so perfectly when I see the entire solar system and universe where. I need to stop the worrying and watch the sun rise and sunset, the eclipse and the patterns of the world and the universe, not the pit of despair that really isn’t even there. Someone has it under control and that someone is way bigger than me. That someone doesn’t know despair, so why should I?