There’s
certainly nothing uniquely American about friendship, but it is something I am
extremely grateful for at every juncture in my life. Right now, during
quarantine, it is especially important for all of us to maintain our
friendships. My main point of this blog is to enumerate the good things about
America and living in America, and there is, by far, no better aspect to life
anywhere than friendship. So why not focus on friendship as something I am
grateful for in America? I will say this about myself: I am someone who will
stay a friend always. I don’t always choose friends based on any particularity
beyond the ability to unite over some commonality. It may be something as
mundane as hair color or the fact that we both know someone and are friends
with that person. Of course, the deep friendships come from shared experiences.
I have made hundreds of friends based upon the fact that I am a teacher. I can’t
have a kid in my class for a year or more and learn so much about them that I won’t
befriend them. Yes, of course we grow older and apart by distance, but I seldom
forget the bonds we have made. My best friends are also other teachers. Those
are people in whom I can confide my struggles and hopes about a plethora of
students and how to work with them and their backgrounds, whether we share those
students or not.
I
make many friends out of curiosity—I see someone in church that I’ve never seen
before and I introduce myself and find out as much as I can about them. I
strike up a conversation with someone I see often at the grocery store, perhaps
a clerk or a box boy, and gradually we get to know each other. Friendships
often develop gradually through time but sometimes they form almost
instantaneously. I cherish both formations and the bonds they create.
Reading
books is a way I often develop friendships, and I don’t mean the imaginary ones
with the characters. I mean the friendships that are formed when you meet
someone who also likes the same books you do. If you both like the book there
must be something about the other person that you will gravitate toward because
of that shared interest.
I
have also made plenty of friends because of the sports I participate in. I have
running buddies, hiking buddies, and biking buddies. I love those people just
because we have shared so much in not only the activities, but the deep
conversations that evolve out of shared effort, shared scenery, and shared proximity.
It has always been my belief that you can’t not be friends with people who work
together with you.
And
food brings people together. Not only the breaking of bread together, but the
act of cooking together. Learn what people like to eat and make it together if
you can, or have them teach you how to make it. The stories that come from food
and the associations will knit your bond so that you will remember them
whenever you eat that food. Their memories will integrate with your memories
and you will form a friendship around something as simple as a specific type of
chees on a specific sandwich or a special way of putting clotted cream on a
scone at that specific tea shop in that very unique seaside town.
And
sometimes friendships develop through very ugly situations that someone helps
you with or that you help them with, especially if you were at first in
opposition to one another. Trauma is eased through shared experiences and the
ability to help each other through it. And never forget to reach out to those
people who you know will help you to heal, maybe just by their smile and their
knowledge of you. Now is the time to strengthen and create those friendships. There
is nothing more wonderful than our shared humanity. I cherish it, and am
grateful for it.
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